“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” ~ Isaiah 40:31
I’m finally free. The “spiritual cancer” of widow’s regret almost destroyed me. But the “radiation” therapy of Christ’s love has set me free. The love of Jesus Christ is beyond anything we can ever comprehend in this life. It is the only cure for the “cancers” of grief and regret.
~ Flossie Stewart, CPR for Your Faith Ministries
So as crazy as it may sound, I went and got in a good walk with my Jesus yesterday. But it wasn’t my choice originally. It was His plan. I just obeyed Him, laid everything aside, and set off, on a journey that has changed my life. He had laid it strongly on my heart to just set aside all my busyness and the things I really needed to do and just spend the day with Him. As I pondered all the things on my list, He said this to me: “Put yourself in Martha’s and then Mary’s shoes. Martha, of course, would launch into the housework and other things. But Mary, what did she choose?” (See Luke 10:38-42.) He was clearly saying He needed to talk to me about some things. It’s been 3 1/2 years since my husband, Keith, passed away after his battle with Covid. Never could I have imagined what He had planned for me for this day. The healing balm He breathed into my long empty and broken spirit as we walked and talked is priceless. I wouldn’t take a million dollars for this. I guess you could say, I’ve had a breakthrough. But it’s been a long time coming. It didn’t just come overnight. It has come through a lot of perseverance, prayer, and drawing closer to Him, and coming to finally understand that He is the only One Who can truly fill a void such as what I have lived with.
This doesn’t just come easily, it’s not like going up to a vending machine and getting a drink or candy bar out. My Savior is much more precious to me than that. It comes along with daily prayer, soaking in the Scripture of His Holy Word, and fasting. It comes with resetting your priorities, setting boundaries, and renewing your perspective. The strongholds He and I have uncovered and the new freedom I have now been given are priceless. If you have neglected those things, you really don’t realize how clogged up the “air filter” of your mind becomes with the lies of the enemy and the strongholds of your past he uses to control you (I talked a little about strongholds in my last post).
In the short time I had with Him as we walked and talked, I received the healing “radiation” therapy of His love and His truth that finally set me free. I had been praying for Him to show me what it really means to “walk in the Spirit” (Galatians 5:16). In my devotions earlier that morning, He had begun explaining to me about how fasting has a lot to do with it. Now, as I walked and enjoyed His beautiful creation and the peaceful quietness of it all, He began elaborating further on this. Fasting, according to the Bible, is when we take a time to temporarily abstain from physical nourishment in order to feed our too often emaciated spirits on the Word of God. I also discuss this in detail in my book, CPR for Your Faith from Beyond Death’s Door. If done sincerely, the results are very powerful. Yet, in too many ways, in the spiritual sense, the devil has fooled many Christians into seeing fasting as optional, like an occasional spiritual “snack time”, when in reality, they are missing out on the spiritual “buffet meal” He has lovingly prepared for us. Let’s face it. We all love to eat. For too many of us, eating has become a way of filling in a void, one that He is longing to fill with something far more satisfying. In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” But what too many do not realize is, that door will soon be closing. This is a “dinner invitation” by our loving Savior for all who will accept it. But for each of us, it has an expiration date. But it is here now, free for our asking and humble acceptance. And I can tell you, it will change your life.
So, of course, we go through the motions of fasting. We put in our required time, as if we are waiting for it to finally be over so we can dig into that physical food we’re dreaming of. Sure, some strongholds might have been exposed. But if we are not persistent to press through with our Lord during these special times He has set aside for us, too often, we slip right back into the same old flesh mindsets we were operating in before. The old flesh, once again, is perched defiantly back up on that throne of our hearts. This is what the Bible refers to as walking in the flesh, exactly what Paul and others, and Jesus Himself warned us about. 2 Peter 2:22 (NKJV) has this to say: But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.” Here, Peter is also referencing Proverbs 26:11.
So, to truly walk “in the Spirit”, we must abide in Christ (John 15:1-5). We must press through, beyond the washing in the water of His Word, and actually apply it. Once those strongholds are exposed, they must be torn down, and we must pray for Him to help us turn away from those old ways. We do this by full and complete surrender to Him and His will for us. Romans 12:1-2 says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
I like to say, as I mentioned earlier, it’s like cleaning out that air filter in your house. When you pull out the old one, you usually find yourself saying something like, “Wow, I didn’t realize all of that was in there!” And so it is, with our spirits. If we’re not fasting and seeking to draw closer to Him, we are not only spiritually emaciated, but we are also in too many ways, still operating in those old, fleshly mindsets. In other words, we’ve become just like that old pig after she’s been washed, going right back to wallowing in the mud. In order to truly walk in the Spirit, we need to press through the entire process, fasting, exposing of strongholds, denouncing these, and true repentance, followed by immersing ourselves in His Word, so we don’t get taken by the enemy on the same old tricks and lies again. Only then, with true change, will we be truly “walking in the Spirit” (see 2nd Corinthians 10:3-5).
For me, these times have usually resulted in a lot of junk I didn’t realize was in there being exposed. So much regret, shame, guilt, self-condemnation, etc. So many ways I couldn’t forgive myself…But more than anything else, because for a short time, I had the best gift in my life I could have ever asked for, and for so long after my sweet husband had passed away, all I could see was, I blew it. I didn’t truly appreciate what I had until it was gone.
Yet my loving Savior, and “gentle Shepherd”, as the song says that we sing in the choir, walked with me, and talked with me and helped me finally see that it was time. Time to let it go. Time to forgive myself. And time to realize that I could never truly help others be set free if I was still being held prisoner to my own past (See Philippians 3:13-14, Isaiah 43:18-19, 2 Cor. 5:17, Romans 8:1-2, 1 John 1:9). I just walked and listened as He gently explained that it was like a spiritual “cancer” that had been slowly eating away at my soul, until there was almost nothing left. I listened as He opened the Scriptures to me, some that many of us have glossed over for years and yet the answer we needed was right there all the time. “Those who hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled.” (Matthew 5:6). He reminded me of this, referencing His discussion on the fasting. If we are truly “hungry”, He will lovingly feed us, (like the song says). There it was, the key of His healing, freeing truth that finally unlocked the door of the prison cell I have lived in for way too long.
I stood there at the overlook, looking out at the river flowing and the expanse of His creation spread out before me. A bunch of birds were flitting about together. A group (or family) of Hispanic people came up. I talked briefly with them and offered to take a picture of two young women with their phone for them as they were trying to take a selfie. They thanked me, and the family went on. As I was left standing there once again, with just me and the wind of my Creator blowing around me, He told me to just lift my hands and just pray and ask Him to help me release it all. He told me I would be leaving it all here. So, in effect, that stone wall you see in the picture became like an altar! So, I did. I lifted my hands in praise and poured my heart out to Him. In that moment, I released it all. I left it there to be carried down that river of His grace, never to be picked up again. And then it happened…
I had just been telling the Hispanic family, about a time a while back when I was out there one morning, and an older couple told me they had seen an eagle out there once recently. Little did I know what my Savior had already planned for me. It was timed perfectly. No sooner than I had finished my prayer, releasing all I had held onto for way too long, my messenger showed up. You see, my God is an on-time God. He’s on time every time. If I had chosen to just stay home in my busyness, I would have missed it. There it was, soaring over the trees in all its glory. Was it a young eagle? Or a hawk? I’m thinking hawk. I couldn’t really tell because it was too far away. Yet it was right where He sent it to be, right on time.
It’s only now, just today, earlier this morning that it dawned on me. No sooner than I had released it all, than it was there, almost as if it was sent to carry the burdens I had just released to Him. I watched, stunned with silence as I watched it soar off, down over the river. I began the walk back up the trail to go home with my load a lot lighter than it was before. Now, it all makes sense. Because of my humble obedience and trusting Him, I had a front row seat to a truly glorious, healing moment with our Creator, and my Savior, the almighty Counselor, our Prince of peace. I’m free now. I really am finally free. Widow’s regret is a real battle. The struggle is real. It’s a spiritual “cancer” that the enemy will use to destroy you if you let it. Or any regret of the past, for that matter. But thankfully, my loving Savior knew exactly what I needed, more than any of that other “stuff” that can be done another time.
I’m free now, really free, and it’s never felt better. And the best thing about it is, what He’s done for me, He will do for you. You need only ask. Ask, and surrender to His gentle Shepherd’s call to put aside the busyness for a while and just spend the day with Him. I promise you, it will be worth whatever you leave behind. Jesus never intended for us to be prisoners to our past. That’s why He came and took our place on that old cross. The real, truly liberating joy of this whole experience was in the fact that when my Jesus and I share these talks, He doesn’t just make it about me. First, He covers what I need. Then, He goes on to broaden my perspective, helping me to see the potential to help others. You see, I am a minister in training. I’m not there yet, but I have surrendered fully to Him and whatever His will is for my life and ministry. I am a big picture thinker. He’s told me before, that it was time for me to learn to develop a shepherd’s perspective, not only thinking of myself and my little “patch of grass”, but the bigger picture of how He wants to work through me to help others. My spiritual name He has given me is, “Eagle Woman”. For me, it’s perfectly fitting, as I do have Cherokee from both parents.
Was it a young eagle? Or was it a hawk? I may never know, as I was unable to get my phone camera ready to get a picture before it was too far away to get a clear picture. The picture above, which I am pretty sure is a hawk, is close to what I saw. But I know that my loving Savior knows exactly what it was. I know just as surely as I stood there in that perfectly orchestrated moment in time, watching it soar off in all its golden glory, that I serve a God Who knew the perfect messenger He had chosen to deliver His message to me. And why wouldn’t He? After all, He is the One Who created them. His messengers are always perfectly chosen, the message He sends them to deliver to us, right on time.
So, what about you? Are you ready to be free? His invitation still stands. You don’t have to wait until it expires. And you don’t have to live as a prisoner of your past.
For too long, the Eagle Woman had a broken wing. But now, she’s finally soaring free, and she’s never going back. You can be too. And once you’re finally free from the prison of your past the enemy wanted to use to destroy you, our loving Savior will turn it into the powerful testimony He will use to work through you to help others. There is a cure for the “spiritual cancer” of grief and regret. Christ’s love is the only cure, but the potential is limitless.
Flossie Stewart, Christian Author & Speaker 