I first posted this just before Christmas of 2017, on the 3rd anniversary of my marriage to my late husband, Keith Stewart, to be exact. At the time, I had no way of knowing that not even 3 years later, I would be saying goodbye to him. On August 29, 2020, we lost him to complications from Covid. Just 3 months later, on December 2, 2020, we lost my mother, though it was other causes.
A lot has happened since then. It wasn’t easy. Like many who have faced the Christmas season with a chair at their dinner table that is suddenly empty, I had lost my ability to feel any joy in celebrating Christmas. Really, Dad did as well. But in the time since that first Christmas we celebrated without them, I have drawn closer to my Heavenly Father, and my Savior, our Lord, Jesus Christ, than ever before. I took the time to just have that “dance with my Heavenly Father”, and allow myself the time I needed to let Him help me heal, and it has been worth it all. Worth all the time I spent alone.
Sure, it was hard at first. I went through all the feelings of jealousy and even bitterness, seeing all those around me who still had their spouses, and their mothers with them. But then, as I began to just draw closer to Him, He helped me realize that all of us, sooner or later, will go through these tragedies. I wasn’t seeing the whole picture, just what the enemy wanted me to see. Now, I can see the ways my Heavenly Father was with me through it all. He not only helped me to grow spiritually and develop the spiritual maturity through that season of being alone that I needed. He also provided the teachers I needed during that season. Not only did He put me under the “wing” of a lady who was an ordained minister who helped me and trained me – a lady who in fact, you could say, handed me her “torch” just before she passed away (see Hebrews 11). He also led me to attend a GriefShare class.
While I was in this class, I heard stories from other people in the videos who had experienced a lot of the same feelings I was experiencing. We learned to put it in perspective through God’s Holy Word. I also learned that it was okay to tell well-meaning people, “I know you mean well, but this is my journey. You can grieve your way, and I will grieve mine (but I appreciate your prayers)”. I learned it was okay to feel like I just wasn’t ready to clean out his closet and take his clothes and give them away. Thankfully, I finally reached that point I was ready, in my own time, through God’s loving care and healing mercy.
I took the time to have that dance with my Father, and just work on myself, and let Him work His healing in my heart, and it has made all the difference. I learned to embrace that season alone. My Father and I went on walks, and we talked about everything. I drew closer to Him than I ever have before. For any of my fellow brothers and sisters who may be suffering from what I will call “widow’s (or widower’s) regret, check out this powerful, encouraging post I shared a while back.
In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Paul has this to say:
Comfort in Suffering
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
If we’re really following Him and willing to wait on His perfect timing, He knows when our season of being alone is over. Here’s my post on that if you want to check it out. As Jeremiah 29:11 reassures us, He knows the plans He has for us, and His perfect timing is never off. When He felt I had learned the things I needed to learn and developed the spiritual maturity I needed for what He had next for me, He brought that someone special into my life. Because I took the time I needed alone with my Father, I was able to have the confidence of knowing I was ready. On November 4th, in Pigeon Forge, TN, my husband and best friend, Thomas Anthony Lee and I were married. But most importantly, we keep Christ, our Lord, first in our marriage and everything we do. Everything else will fall into place (see Matthew 6:33).
So, as you take a moment to read the original post I shared above, I hope it will broaden your perspective, as mine has been. It is my sincere hope and prayer that whatever trials or tragedies you may have faced, our beloved Heavenly Father will comfort your heart and mind as He has done for me. I pray that just as He has done for me, and as Paul has called us to do, you too, will eventually be comforting others with the same comfort He is willing to comfort you. He will if you just take this time to draw closer to Him. Most of all, I pray that we can all come to understand that no matter what we have faced, or will face, our Lord and Savior, and soon returning King of kings, and Lord of lords, Jesus Christ, is the most precious gift of all.
May we all be more patient, loving, and understanding of those who no longer feel that joy, and trust Him to show us ways we can comfort them, just as He has comforted us. It is also important that we can learn to understand that sometimes, when there are just no words, there are times when they don’t need words from us. It’s okay to just accept the fact that there will be times when they just need the comfort of our presence more than anything. We also need to be more patient and understanding and not label them a “scrooge” or a “grinch” if they just need to be alone with the Father. After all, sooner or later, we will all face that time. As I said in the original post, if we can’t do that, then maybe we’re the “scrooge” or “grinch”.
May we all, with God’s grace, comfort those who no longer feel that joy, whether it’s Christmas time, or any time of the year, and whether it’s through sharing a comforting word, or just our comforting presence, or in respecting their need to be alone with the Father. If the Savior’s light is still guiding us, we can reach out to them when they need it, but we can also not label them and deprive them of their need for time alone with the only One Who can truly heal their hearts. Because sooner or later, that time will come for all of us. But the one thing that will never change is His love for us.
If this post has encouraged you in some way, please feel free to share it with someone you know who may be comforted and encouraged by it. May we all stop the “labeling” and judging, stop forcing time limits on others’ seasons of grief, and reach out to the hurting with love, kindness, and understanding. If His light, the same light that guided the Wise Men to Him, is still guiding us, then we can do more of that, whether that means our words, our presence, or the need to respect their need to be alone with the One Who can heal their hearts as none of us can. That light is still shining. It’s up to each of us to seek it, just as the Wise Men did.
Flossie M. Lee, Christian Author & Speaker 